just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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