Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize