I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize