guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
