Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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