Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
