I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
