I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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