Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
