i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
