i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
