do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
