I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
