He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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