I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
