we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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