Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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