IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
