Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
birth control should be required to get into college
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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