I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
