Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
