if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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