Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
