I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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