meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
