so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She bit a glass in half.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
