dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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