Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
