We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
