I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize