fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
