I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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