he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
