i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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