Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
