dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
