the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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