I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
