make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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