p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you would pick up someone in the library
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
