note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
