Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
