I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm bleeding and have questions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
