....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i think my cat just said my name.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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