I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
