did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize