my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
