Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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