Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
