How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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