he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
