i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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