i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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