dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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