he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
