Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
