What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we made out on top of his cat.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
