How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
