some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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