big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
