i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
