I hate your face
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
