would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
