if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
