Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
