I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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